if you want to read my past entries let me know who you are to me and I will unblock them for ya.

some people at a recent bdsm gathering I was teaching at were bothered that I teach one of my classes naked. WHATTT? LOLOL SHEEEESH. I know some BDSMers have an issue with swingers but sheeesh I didnt realize that nudists were on the no no list too. LOL I dont even know WHAT to say to that! If ya cant handle nudity.. let alone have even a tiny idea of why I might teach objectification like that.. ya certainly are not gonna be able to grasp the ideas of "opening", "display", and "awakening" that being put in the mindset of being used as an object can facilitate. I guess I thought it was a given so I did not explain it. I teach that class naked because I am demonstrating one way that women are often objectified.. sex object.. naked female form on display.. open and vulnerable with nothing to hide behind. I suppose it is strange for people that I am a submissive and am in a level of submissive space when I teach. In actuality teaching to me is entirely submissive because I am not that comfortable with it. I do it as an act of service and because most people with my type of kink... humiliation, degradation, and objectification... for a long time did not have a voice in our community.. although it has become a lot more common since when I first started doing classes on these subjects years ago. I suppose if it isnt your kink you wouldnt get the rest of what I am about anyways. I can see that some of the extreme stuff I do is hard for some people to wrap their heads around... but.. come on.. teaching NAKED?? I am thinking that R word here big time. LOL People are funny.

I AM FUCCKING SKEEERED!

and when that happens.. of course I cant keep my hands off of myself. Again and again... over and over... seeing the edge of the cliff... and feeling my cunt betray me as she PULLLLLLLS me over to it once again... with my mind screaming NOOOOOOOO I DONT WANT TO! Such is the paradox and dilema of an emotional masochist.

I went to Cine-Kink in NYC to support my friend Barbara Bell in the release of her new documentary "Graphic Sexual Horror". It is a documentary from the now deceased website of insex. Very intense and revealing documentary. Very real.. and emotional masochists will eat it up like candy.. I know my cunt did. I HIGHLY recommend it. And being the ADD kinkster that I am.. sitting through a documentary is a feat in and of itself.

Just so happens... that I have been asked to pay a visit to playyyyyy at the farm with PD and his comrades in a couple months. I will NOT say that the documentary made me feel ANY LESS TERRIFIED. And I know it is gonna be BAD and I am gonna HATE it but at the same time I CANNNNT stay away. ARGH!!


It was awesome in fact... because one of the men who now work with PD on the farm was at the screening and I did not know who he was. He offered me a seat because of my foot. He said that he had seen the photo of my surgery. Of course I thought he meant the cannibalism ones but then he said no the foot... and I realized.. ahhh yes the xray on fetlife.

After I got home I got a message from him about not reconizing him. I wrote him back to say that I wished that he had told me. But it is true that the anonymous was very hot. Basically being viewed like an animal.. a prey item.. unbeknowst to being prey.. feeling free and strong and confident running free while the hunter is smiling with his gun aimed right at me ready to take me down in an instant... enjoying that I have no idea how UNfree I really am.

The BEST however.. was when I wrote back and thanked him for having giving me his seat.. he responded... " I was just trying to protect our asset." EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPS! And there goes my cunt again... DRIPPPPING while my mind is racing with NO NO NOOOOOO please lets not.. no no no I dont want to.. and my hands with a life of their own drawn to my clit and reaching down to my ever so powerful cunt.. wet and needy and screaming.. drowning out the whine of the cognitive and replacing it with the wonderful wallow and orgasmic wave after wave of fear and no choice and terror and delicious helplessness.

But but but... I am skeered.

In New York... a ball drops to bring in the New Year.. and in Seattle... a ballgag will be dropping out of my mouth.. resulting in the frame I am strapped to tipping.. resulting in the electrics to be triggered inside me to ZAPPPPPPPPP... resulting in my SCREAMING... to bring in the New Year. Some people blow horns.. Gord has his own HOWLING HORN. LOL

Hope you all will be SCREAMING with me!!! HAPPPY 2009!